This was originally written on September 11, 2011 for the first blog I tried to start.
In 2001, Chris and I just began to date. I started the photography program at F.I.T. Tuesdays were darkroom days. I decided not to go to school on THAT Tuesday. I was tired. I was lazy. I did not want to be on the 7:30 am express bus. I wanted to sit in bed all day and cuddle with Chloe. I was awake and watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch when the news broke in about the attacks. I watched in horror. I watched in absolute fear - but relief that I stayed home. I called Chris and begged him to come over. I called my mom and begged her to come home - begged her to get my sister, Dani from school. I filled up all the empty bottles in our kitchen with filtered water. I sat and stared at the tv not willing to believe something so senseless and evil could occur.
That was when everything changed. When we realized that there were evil people out there who hated our country and its citizens so much that they felt we needed to be destroyed. That was when we came together and showed everyone in this world the strength and courage we as New Yorkers,and as Americans, possess. It took some time but New York institutions, such as Saturday Night Live and the New York Yankees, helped me to feel like it was ok to live life again. For months, I felt scared to travel to and from school. It took a long time for me to get back on the subway, but it happened.
My initial idea for this weekend was to go away to Disney World. I felt that it would be too hard to be in New York for the 10 year anniversary. I wanted to run away from the pain and the memories. We did not get to go and in a way, I am grateful - grateful that I did not get to escape my fears and my sadness, grateful to be alive and grateful to be living in this amazing city.